Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Ass Crew

I believe it was comedian Dennis Miller that coined the phrase, "Now I don't want to get off on a rant here.." But do you ever notice how complete hostile, agitated and all around generally pissed off our society has become? Don't get me wrong some behaviour dictates a sound venom fuelled tirade of intergalactic proportion. Is it really worth spewing froth at the mouth because you have to wait in the grocery store line an extra five minutes? Someone slip junk mail in through your mail slot? Surely this offense is punishable by dismemberment. Have to pay extra in taxes to trusty ol' Uncle Sam or worse yet to the nation's leader that sports a beaver as its mascot? Well these are all arbitrary elements of coexisting in today's society as reasonably functioning adults.

So where does all the anger and aggression originate from? The lack of concentration in an overly electronically stimulated society can only contribute to shortened bouts of patience. While we're evolving further and further away from face to face comraderie, intimacy and interaction, we can now virtually interface without coming into actual contact with one another. Oh sure the novelty of tweeting, facebooking, myspacing, texting, YIM'ing, MSN'ing, Skyping and Camming are so out of this world rad, there's no reason to ever have to actually touch another humanoid. But interfere or threaten to take away this luxury especially to a pubescent teen, you have the next apocalypse on your hands.

Throw into the mix condensed quarters of numerous inhabitants. Sociological experiments prove a direct correlation with numerous homosapien inhabitants in closed quarters and aggression. Ever watch about a dozen rats fight in one maze over a mesely piece of cheese. Not a pretty sight, let me tell you. Similar experiments also show direct correlation with aggression and excessive exposure to loud noises (moshing anyone?), poverty and heat combined with humidity. Since our heat wave of thirty degree temperatures has begun how many people have pissed you off? My long winded point is simply this--with such an aggressive society are we not slowly escalating our hatred, anger, not to mention our blood pressure and risk of heart disease and stroke. If we don't evenutally engage in mortal caged combat each time we have a dispute or disagreement with our fellow neighbour, at this rate we could easily be heading to a Babylon type society.

So what remedies an angered, tortured soul? Shock therapy? Too primative. Meditation and relaxation therapy? Effective, yet way too "Zen" or new aged for many people. Smoking pot? Probably the most effective of the three yet, there is a certain lack of... .....what was I talking about again? .....oh yeah short term memory or focus that rides shot gone with our glass bong weilding heros. Then again when is the last time someone went on a rampage completely stoned out on grass? Or the almighty solution and the absolute essence of my ramblings here in our introductory piece, is the something we've been doing since the dawn of mankind.... Get laid. Not only get laid, but out and out completely enslaved to all your primal, pent up aggression and engage in the most satisfying sex one can imagine. And speaking of imagination, get innovative, get creative, unleash the wild demon inside you. Don't have a partner? No problem, engage in the freakiest, guilt free self exploration you'd ever dared embarked upon. Go to your local novelty shop, get a new toy. Too shy to go in person? Go online. The possibilities are endless. And not to generalize, but when is the last time you say someone really all that sour when they are still basking in the after glow of copius amounts of earth shattering fucking? Exactly.

So here it begins a venture to take together a slow and deliberate slither into the perils of abyss that lie as obstacle to stand in our way of A.ll S.atisfying S.ex R.ender E.veryone W.onderstruck.

Peace be with you and may all your moans and groans be in bed