Monday, June 14, 2010

Mammon of Miscreants II

I sat around investing most of my energy towards fighting the inevitable depression. As more time went by not working, the more usless I started to feel. I found I was avoiding social gatherings, feeling unworthy of anything interesting or new to contribute aside from the latest soap opera updates and latest game shows. Couch potato syndrome was settling in and even the unemployment hadn't arrived as of yet.

Just as true doom n gloom was settling in the phone rang one day. Such a foreign chirp I jumped, completely startled. I answered the phone with a tentative, "hello..?"

On the other end was a voice so uncharacteristically enthusiastic I was just about to hang up thinking it was a bloody telemarketer. He introduced himself as Mitch Savoy, (an alias to protect the oblivious) and asked for Dave Gammon. Once I replied he bid me a good evening even though it was morning and called me sir, yet he pronounced it 'searle'.

He mentioned how he received my resume and was very impressed and went onto bash the other candidates in articulate fashion. He talked about his retail stores, known as his 'babies'. He'd ask me random questions like who my favourite porno star was. I was befuddled and my mind had eluded me not fully realizing that the men and women are credited in the fuck films. My mind clammered before getting grip on a xxx centrefold I'd heard of that was fetching and most memorable named Victoria Paris. He snickered in what seemed like a pre-empted, forced laughter and promptly informed me she was old news.

Mitch went onto express his philosophies towards exhibitionism and sex in general and North American's general shame towards their own libidos. As he eloborated at great length, how free spirited our European forefathers were and how they regarded their sexuality, I became suddenly intruiged for the first time during our discussion. If this guy was trying to sell me on the business, it was definately working. Upon drifting too far from the topic, Mitch wanted to make sure I was 'comfortable with dildos and skin flicks' and asked me to come in for an interview to their Scarborough location. With renewed vigor and enthusiasm I avidly agreed and wrote the address down and said I'd be there early tomorrow. He thanked me for my time, calling me searle once again and said he admired my spirit.

I hung up the phone, staring at the shared accomodation in disbelief. Although I was trilled at my first potential prospect at working, the initial wave of panic rushed over me as my neurosis screamed at me to learn about porn and learn fast if I was going to avoid making a fool of myself.
I went to bed at 8:00 that night, making sure I wouldn't be late for my interview, compulsively checking my alarm clock dozens of times. I tossed and turned that night anxiously awaiting my first scheduled appointment in weeks. Little did I know it was the meeting that would forever change my very personna for better or worse as I know it today..


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